After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
