giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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