I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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