You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He better not be in your backpack
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
