Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
