she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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