Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
