i barfeds in our rink
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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