I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
