I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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