Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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