Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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