i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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