If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
