There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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