We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
