Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we're making bets on your personal life
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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