Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
