I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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