i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
