he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Randomize
