So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
