using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
