why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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