If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
