It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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