just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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