I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We need to get me chipped asap
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
