I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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