So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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