So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
