How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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