He kissed a someone with a penis
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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