what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
