I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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