He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
