haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
never play flip cup with pint glasses
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize