About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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