I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If that was your dad, he is hot
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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