whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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