Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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