why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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