i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
