Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize