Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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