You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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