So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
