I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
