You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
3 2 1 whiskey
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
