Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
