can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
