I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
