apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
