Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
