Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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