I just made out with a guy for $7.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
