My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Congratulations! We have a period
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
