She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This is classic penis vs brain.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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