Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
