I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
