Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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