Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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