i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize