i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
