I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
