i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
