I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
