at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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