after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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