im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
