WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
