dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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