Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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