I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just google imaged poop.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize