i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
