WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
