Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I supernannyed him into submission
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
