If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
