I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
