Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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