he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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