whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
