I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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