I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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