did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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