My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
