I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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