Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
