No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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